


Hasn't Anyone Here Heard of Knocking?

by Anonymous



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: 5 Times, Coitus Interruptus, Comedy, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:04:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Stan and Ford just want some timealonetogether, but the people around them, apparently, have other plans.





	Hasn't Anyone Here Heard of Knocking?

**Author's Note:**

> Expanded from a ficlet written for the 100 words of accidental cockblocking thread on FFA. Special thanks to Cheeziswin for the beta.

"So, Sixer, you said you had something you wanted to see me about?" Stan's hands are loose and easy as they rest against Ford's desk.

"Oh, just a matter of scientific inquiry," Ford replies with a sly smile. He pulls Stan in by his tie, fiddling with it. "I have been wondering about how much weight my desk can hold. If you would care to join me, of course."

"Of course!" says Stan. "How could I ever pass up the opportunity to—"

Suddenly, Dipper bursts into the study. "Grunkle Ford! Grunkle Ford! Look at what me and Mabel found in the backyard!"

With a stifled _yelp_ the two brothers leap away from each other. "What is it, my boy?" Ford asks with a strained grin.

"It's some kind of magical guitar!" Dipper answers with glee. "At least, I think it is. When we gave it to Soos, he could play it easily, even though he never had any lessons. In fact, he can't put it down. Literally! It's probably cursed."

Stan and Ford exchange a glance. Their little rendezvous can wait; Soos couldn't. "Where is he now?" asks Ford.

"In the backyard, where we found the guitar!" Dipper replies.

"Alright." Ford grabs a raygun from off the desk and heads out the door. "Going to have to give you a raincheck on that 'scientific inquiry', Stanley," he says before he leaves.

"Wait, what were you guys doing?" Dipper asks.

"Nothing you should be butting in on," Stan snaps. "Now scram."

* * *

Ford has Stan on his back, panting. He’s been working their cocks together for the past fifteen minutes, and any moment now, he can feel it, they’re going to—

“Mr. Pines!” Soos calls out from outside the bedroom. “Dinner’s ready! I made peanut-butter-and-whatever sandwiches!”

Instantly, Ford jumps off the bed and hides under it. Stan still has his dick out, though. He covers himself with the blanket as best he can. “Can it wait, Soos?”

“But they’re really good sandwiches, Mr. Pines! Abuelita said so herself!” He opens the door. “Hey, did you sleep in your clothes?”

“I felt like I needed a nap, so sue me,” Stan lies.

Ford taps under the bed, getting Stan’s attention. “Ask him if he’s feeling better,” he whispers.

“Hey, Soos!” Stan shouts. “You feeling okay after this morning’s, uh, curse incident?”

“Eh, I’m doing alright,” Soos answers. “My arms still feel kinda stiff, though. So, should I bring up those sandwiches?”

Stan thinks on it a moment. “Sure, fine,” he relents. “Bring up an extra sandwich while you’re at it.”

“Will do, dude!” Having said that, Soos is off.

Ford gets up from under the bed, groaning. “What were you thinking? He’s just going to interrupt us again when he gets back!”

“Eh, the moment was over, anyway,” Stan says. He claps a hand on Ford’s shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, okay?”

Ford shrugs. “Fine by me, I guess.”

* * *

“Alright, Sixer, when I said that we would do whatever you wanted, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“Oh, come off it, Stanley,” says Ford. “What could be more romantic than a night of playing the world’s most erotic role-playing-game?”

Stan scowls at box for _Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons: XXX Edition_. On it, a scantily-clad elf is attempting to seduce an orc princess in a bikini. “Kissing, for one. We’ve been setting this game up for half an hour and we haven’t smooched once.”

“ _Aww_ , Stanley.” Ford scoots closer and gives Stan a peck on the cheek. He then cups his brother’s face with one hand and leans in. “Really, if that’s all you wanted, all you had to do was—”

“Vacuuming!” Abuelita calls out as she boldly strides into the basement lab. “You gentlemen! You need any vacuuming?”

Ford shoves Stan away from him, nearly tossing him into a wall. “I... don’t think so, no,” he replies. “Who told you to come down here?”

“Soos thought you were tired, since neither of you could make it to the kitchen for supper, so he asked me to check on you,” Abuelita answers. “What is that game you are playing?”

Stan kicks the box under a desk as fast as he can. “Oh, this?” he says, gesturing toward the game pieces. “Some silly nerd game Poindexter here thought up. I’d, uh, tell you the rules, but they’re all pretty brainy stuff. I can barely make sense of them myself, haha!” He leans against the wall, putting on a cool air. “So, any other business you got around here?”

Abuelita chuckles. “Oh, so smooth!”

“ _Ahem!_ ” Ford clears his throat, pointedly. “I think she’s done all that she needs to. Let’s just… get back to our game, shall we?”

“Um.” Stan fiddles with his fingers. “Yeah, alright. Bye, ma’am.”

Abuelita waves the brothers goodbye. “Call me if you change your mind!” She heads back up the stairs to the Shack.

Stan slumps down to the floor. “ _Whew!_ So, we going back to the game?”

“I don’t think so, no,” Ford replies. “I’m not comfortable with that woman snooping around. We might need to take more… _drastic_ measures.”

* * *

“Ugh.” Stan stares at the dust on the bunker’s consoles. “You think this move might be a little overkill?”

“Nonsense, Stanley.” Ford takes out a bottle of lube from his backpack. “Sure, I admit that it’s a little… inconvenient, but think of how private our tryst will be here! There’s hardly a soul in Gravity Falls besides me who knows how to get into this bunker.”

“Eh.” Stan crosses his arms. “It works for me, as long as we clean up a little. You bring a broom with you?”

“Sorry, but no,” says Ford. “I didn’t think sanitation would be high on our list of things to do tonight.”

“I have one!” shouts a voice from behind. “You fellers can borrow mine!”

Stan jumps onto one of the consoles. “ _Holy shit!_ ”

“How in the world did you get in here?” asks Ford.

“Funny thing is, how to get here turned out to be one of the only things I remembered after I turned my brains all gobblygook-like with the memory gun!” Fiddleford answers. “Even after I’d forgotten the exact location of the place and all that! Say, mind if I sit here a spell?”

Stan nudges Ford in the arm. “We’re leaving _now_ ,” he whispers harshly.

Ford doesn’t even try to protest, but simply shrugs his shoulders and sighs. “I’ll get Plan B ready.”

* * *

“Plan B”, as it turns out, is a weekend getaway at a classy hotel located somewhere upstate.

“Now this is more like it!” Stan exclaims. He takes in their suite. There’s a flat-screen TV facing the majestic queen-sized bed; in the kitchen nook, a mini-fridge is stocked with a wide variety of fine wines and liquors. There’s even a fake fireplace to add to the décor. “Shame we have to leave Soos and the kids behind, but eh, they’ll live.”

Ford takes a whiskey out of the fridge and starts pouring out two glasses. “There’s a spa downstairs, if you want to check it out. You could get one of those shea butter massages. I hear they’re good for wrinkles.”

“Hmm, it sounds tempting, but...” Stan sidles up next to Ford, puts his arms around him. “Think I’ll stick with my regular masseur. If you don’t mind.”

Ford smiles, and hands his brother a glass of whiskey. “Of course not.”

The two brothers disrobe alarmingly quickly. Soon, Stan is lying prone on the bed, with Ford resting on top of him, kneading his hands into Stan’s back.

“I should warn you, Stanley,” Ford says, voice low and seductive. “I’ve trained with the harlot-monks of Zebulon-54*. You may not be able to keep your composure for long.”

“Feh, I’d like to see you try,” Stan says with a snort. An affectionate one, though.

“Gladly,” Ford purrs, applying deeper pressure to Stan’s back. Stan groans with pleasure.

Their reverie is interrupted by loud banging on their door. “Room service! Hey, open up! I got a pizza for you guys!”

“ _Fuck!_ ” Stan swears. “I _knew_ I shouldn’t have tried out that room delivery service.”

“Go away!” Ford yells. “We have a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up! Can’t you read?”

“Aw, c’mon! Don’t you guys want pizza?”

“Fine!” Ford snaps. “But don’t blame me for what you see.”

The delivery person opens the door, only to see Ford straddling his brother on the bed. Ford glares, and very pointedly does not stop his massage.

“Oh, um, did I come in at a bad time?”

“ _Yes_ ,” says Ford.

“Alright, I’ll just… set this on the counter, then.” Stan, who is keeping his head down, hears quiet tiptoes towards the counter, a slap from a cardboard box, dashing footsteps towards the door, then, at last, a door slamming.

“Man, Sixer, that was kind of harsh,” Stan says.

“Stanley, we’re about a hundred miles away from anyone who knows who we are. We hung a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door-handle. I figure anyone who walks in deserves the eyeful they get, and we can afford to take the risks.”

“Fair enough!” says Stan. “Hey, could you do some extra work on those shoulders? They’ve been real tense lately.”

“Will do,” says Ford, and he gets back to work on his massage.


End file.
